But on the bright side….

A very good friend that I haven’t seen (in person) in about 5 years is going to try to make it here for 7 Deadlies! This is VERRRRRRRRRRRRRRY exciting!!!!!!!! I’m trying not to spaz too much over it.

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Eep!

Alright, so yesterday was a banner day in my household! First, the roommate emails me to tell me her (commando huge to pay all her broken-ankle med bills) insurance check will be here by the end of the week. Plus her permanent registration for the new car came in the mail, along with some random rebate check. Plus she gets paid this friday. PLUS Two Towers came out yesterday on DVD.

(Example conversation:
Ginger: Okay, so I’ve got this, this, this and that.
Kate: Woohoo! Go you!
Ginger: You know what we have to get now, right?
Kate: Uh…
Ginger: What day is it today?
Kate: ..*GASP!!* )

So in addition to all this, and a decent dinner out with friends, we get the DVD and got to see the 10 minute RotK behind-the-scenes preview *gasps, clutches her heart and falls over*
Yeah holy amazing batman! I already know I’ll be weeping like a baby through the whole movie!
ANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNND Mr. cute-yet-shy-Pennsic-guy finally responded to my email! Totally unexpected.
Of course, the “open brain, plop random babbling into the computer” email that I responded with will either amuse him, or actually scare him further away. But hey, I was just being myself, so nyah nyah. *ahem*

Still soaring the crest of happy from yesterday!

Ugh

Alright yeah I could stand my stomach to relax, my shoulders and back to relax, and a NAP before class starts.
In absence of that, chocolate and pepsi are your friend.
Since today is the first day of the semester, E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E is either here or calling us. And since I’m on the phone til the end of next month… *makes the ‘I’m just so freaking happy about this I could puke’ face*
And I start my on-campus class tonight too. Economics 101. I was top of my ECN class in high school, so HOPEFULLY I do alright in this. I bombed ECN the one time in college I tried to take it.
Of course, maybe if I’d shown up for class more than, uh, twice.. hmm…
Heh heh heh

G’ah

Bounce a graviton particle beam off the main deflector dish…..

Ok so yeah I don’t want to be here right now. Working for one of the most important offices on a university campus during opening weekend sucks, bites, blows AND stinks.

“Sir, she’s gone from suck to blow!” *ahem*

I’m getting paid for this?
At least I’m getting overtime.

But I feel much better now!

Written Friday, August 15th into Saturday the 16th at Pennsic:

Frequently lately I’ve been wondering what’s wrong with me. Face like a mack truck? Body like a lumpy bag of potatoes? Personality like an insane ogre on acid?
Sometimes I progress into wondering what the hell is wrong with other people. I hit the zone of wondering what about me that I know is wonderful isn’t being seen by people that I take interest in.
I mean, despite what seems to be popular opinion, I am very selective in my interest, and extremely shy and reticent about expressing that interest. I suppose it’s a desire to avoid being hurt. The need to close off that supposed wonderful part to keep it bright and clear despite the murk and clouds infusing my soul-self.
And then I focus back on myself. I sit back and cut myself into parts – my butt is too big, my chest is too flabby, my gut is too squishy. Or the worst – I’m fat, ugly, stupid, uninteresting, unsexy. How could anyone possibly care about someone like me? Find me interesting enough.
Or am I coming on too strong? I’m scaring people off. No one wants some desperate, psychotic, ugly weirdo chasing them screaming “Love me I’m cute!”
But then – why do so many people tell me that I’m beautiful? Are THEY desperate, or are they just being nice? And why, when I look in the mirror do I sometimes see the shy, ugly duckling I thought I’d grown out of – sometimes a beautiful, confident woman?
Is it just that the ones, the few I take interest in see only the duckling, ungraceful and ungainly? Do only my friends see beauty, and care, and charisma that I have fought for, ached for, cried for?
It is unfair that, such as I like to believe of myself should be alone and unwanted in an atmosphere of warmth and acceptance. So often I feel the outsider in a sea of couples – marriages – families. And it leaves me feeling bereft and alone. Struck to the heart by such wanton – flagrant disregard.
I suppose I’m lonely. I’m sick of second fiddle – I’m a first row, first chair damn it! Take me for who I am or get the hell out of my way.