…we’d walk on the ocean. But then the whole world would smell like fish.
The secular year is coming to a close (my personal year has always run from July to June, probably conditioning from school, and then there’s Celtic New Year in October and Nordic New Year this week) and at this time my thoughts often turn wistful. Wishes lost, wishes gained, wishes of the absurdly improbable.
I wish my body were better, not just outwardly but inside. All my weird quirks and issues. They combine to make things challenging every day.
I wish my mind were better. I wish it didn’t hate me. Anxiety is crippling and depression is an evil opportunist capitalizing on that.
I wish I were better at adulting. I just can’t get through being a grown up some days. The stress, the presses on time, the bills to pay and things to do.
I wish I had someone to help keep me on track with all of these things. Not just a friend but a partner. Someone to hold me when my body is bad, to distract me when my brain is trying to kill me (or make me do it), to kick my butt when I can’t adult properly, someone to wake up with in the morning. That last bit I guess is a sad product of my choices and the lifestyle that fits me best.
I wish it weren’t so hard to find work in my field. It’s true the further I get from my graduation, the harder it becomes but someone has to die or retire in order for a space to open up in the museums field.
Wishes lost cannot be regained, new wishes must be made. Wishes become plans and plans become reality.
I wish I could find a job in my field. This one is probably going to be the easiest to fix. I’m determined this will happen this year. Plans are in motion for change. I will persist.
I wish I had someone. This is no easy fix, it will take patience (but I’m already 40 dammit how much longer do I have to wait??). And until I find the permanent primary partner, other plans and situations are afoot, so we’ll see how everything develops!
I wish I were better at adulting. This is tied to my anxiety and depression so really I need to put on my big girl pants and shove through it best I can. I’ve already started and have taken a few steps in a really positive direction. It’s a start.
I wish my mind and body were better. This will be the hardest to fix, or at least manage. My issues can’t be fixed as such, just managed and maintained. I still need help and medication, but I’m changing my insurance in the new year so hopefully I can at least get medicated. And my blood pressure lowered. And back on track for everything else that needs assistance.
Wishes, man. If wishes were horses, beggars would ride. Except beggars are hungry and horses are meat. Think about it.