I had something of a Facebook rant-splosion today.

It started with this photo:

LockerRoomNope.jpg

My first response:

“Reminder: it is not ‘lewd words’ that is the problem here (have you MET me??) it is the implication and insinuation of sexual assault (a situation that has been proving the ‘where there’s smoke there’s fire’ adage, between the numerous allegations from adult women AND THE CURRENT LAWSUIT REGARDING THE RAPE OF A 13 YEAR OLD GIRL).

Stop being fucking stupid and pretending this is ‘boys will be boys’ ‘locker room talk’ because if you’ve had conversations with ‘your boys’ that suggested you’d assault someone sexually, you might want to delete me from your friends list right fucking now.”

And then I was set off again by someone’s sniggering comment that Drumpf was just talking dirty and how can we not like that, 50-shades-of-nope sales yadda yadda:

“Another reminder: 50 Shades of Gray is (poorly written, if popular) erotic fan fiction. It does not present an accurate representation of the BDSM lifestyle.

Its sales numbers indicate people enjoy reading erotica (in many cases that they heard it was good and were probably disappointed).

What its popularity does NOT indicate is that women want to be sexually assaulted. Because it’s fiction.

Learn the goddamn differences before you share/giggle at stupid internet memes and share them like they’re fact.”

(*addendum: in 50 Shades the main characters enter a CONTRACT OF CONSENT, which suggests… you know… consent. Not assuming you can just grab a woman by her genitals or otherwise force  unwanted sexual attention on her as was suggested by this ‘locker room talk’).

And then this story crossed my feed (which I highly recommend reading):

Welcome to the Women’s Locker Room

So I was inclined to forward and add a little of my own story:

“All of this. I don’t generally talk about it, but I have in the past been assaulted, molested, groped on the street or in crowds, harassed and made to feel unsafe. And every single time it was a straight, white male. Every creepy, leering, unnecessary ‘I’m just being nice/paying you a compliment’ moment.. straight, white, male.

Last night I had a nightmare that I was sexually assaulted by a straight, white, male. I can still feel the pain and fear from it. This is why such things as trigger warnings exist, btw. Because those people who have such experiences will always be triggered by discussions, arguments and representations of their trauma.
 
You don’t want to be tarred by that brush. don’t sit back and tut-tut.. Speak. Up. Don’t let it just pass with a ‘meh, he doesn’t mean it’ or ‘meh, he’s just being dirty/a straights shooter/hilarious’. It’s not hilarious to me.”
It’s not funny. It’s not ‘dude talk’. It’s not ‘boys will be boys’. It’s assault. It’s either alluding to it, joking about it or condoning it.
And it is NOT OKAY.
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